The events of the past weekend, both personal and observed, have convinced me that it is time for each of us to take a deep breath, slow the heck down and start fresh. From earthquakes, mine disasters, an unexpected loss of a loved one to the loss of a job that we identified too strongly with, it is time to slow down and take stock in who we are, where we were and what we are going to do in the minutes, days, months and years ahead.

Nothing is guaranteed to us except for choice. We are guaranteed our right to choose. Be it a course of action, a way of being, to be happy or not, everyday we have an opportunity to "choose" what our future will hold. My request and my pledge is to choose friends, family and balance over trappings, stress and the emptiness of strangers. I choose to do all I can to create a life that I will be proud of, secure in and will benefit those around me. I choose to move away from those who wallow, complain and conspire. I choose to make the world around me, both near and far, a better place and I choose to embrace my children and appreciate each one for who they are. I choose forgiveness over a grudge. I choose to forgive myself from my past, accept my present and embrace my role in creating my future.

This is my choice. What's yours?

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Patience is the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without acting on annoyance/anger in a negative way; or exhibiting forbearance when under strain, especially when faced with longer-term difficulties. It is also used to refer to the character trait of being steadfast.

Perseverance is continuing in a course of action without regard to discouragement, opposition or previous failure.

These past few days have been a personal test in so many situations. I know by the end of next week, I will have answers as to how I will be able play out the next half of my life. It just kind of blows me away that this state of limbo has so much riding on it... and all I can do is persevere and be patient.

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In the words of singer Carole King, "My life has been a tapestry of rich and royal hue…" 

I like this metaphor for what it means symbolically, as well as literally.  Since childhood I have been manually inclined:  knitting, stitching and sewing.  Furniture upholstery, Halloween costumes, ice skating outfits, cross-stitched samplers and wedding dresses are among my specialties.  In 1986 I watched Miss Vermont parade on television in the Miss America pageant wearing the purple sequined gown she had hired me to make.

I love sharing this affinity with my sister, my daughter and nieces.  Oh, and apparently a growing number of truckers, as reported recently in the Wall Street Journal!

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The past couple of days have been quite wet here in upstate New York. But, that has been a great incentive for me to begin putting things in motion for the new season of farmer's Markets and fairs that I hope to participate in this year. As You Wish Cuisine is alive and well and I am so looking forward to striking out on my own. Wish me luck.

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Today I unpacked some things.

One of them is a book called "ORIGINS - A Short Etymological Dictionary of Modern English".

It was one of my father's favorite books.  He asked for it in Hospice.

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I like spring. It helps maintain a positive frame of mind. I took a few photos yesterday. I quit my job - so I've got some time. :-)

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Thinking about life and the paths we take and trying to figure out the ups and downs. Right now I'm in the middle of a muddle, hurting a bit and needing some comfort. One way I find that comfort is to lose myself and get creative, so the other day I forced myself to go out and shoot.

I had a destination in mind, the courtyard of the Palais Royale, a place I have been wanting to go to for a long time. The day was as gray as my mood and I went through the motions. I got some shots, but not what I could have had if I had concentrated a bit and put my heart into it. Wandered around a bit more, took some snaps of a man at the place de Palais Royale making big, gigantic bubbles... kids dancing and jumping to pop them, the rainbow of colors in the soap swirled in the air and then, poof... gone.

I caught the tail end of an impromptu street concert, all strings... beautiful sounds, the cello... my favorite, singing its mournful song... then they packed it up... 

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My family faced a tough decision a few years ago.  My mother, whose Alzheimer's disease was progressing, needed placement in a memory care unit for her own well-being, as well as my father's.  He especially wanted to hold out as long as possible.  We all knew the placement would be inevitable.  The question was When?

We were wrestling with some of the saddest realities of our lives and facing difficult decisions.  When Hospice entered the picture, we gained the  enormous benefit of a case manager.

The case manager helped us to understand that our mom had more to gain from being moved while she still had some level of function.  Arriving before her decline was too advanced, and still able to participate, she would make a better adjustment to her new world. Overall health was likely to improve with all of her needs being met in an environment entirely geared to her situation.  And her family could become her family again, and not the full-time caregivers.

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I took this seaside photo a couple of days ago in a French town called Royan.  After a long, cold, snowy winter spent on both sides of the Atlantic, it felt good to gaze out on that same ocean, feel the warm sun, take in the broad expanse of the horizon, and observe the walkers advancing across the sand.

I've been thinking about walking.

Several years back my father carved two walking sticks.  They still lean in a corner by our front door, waiting for someone to take them out.

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Having spent so much time in nursing homes and Hospicecare centers over the past couple of years I'm thinking of starting a new profession: death coach. 

A visit to the palliative wing of a geriatric hospital yesterday reminded me how familiar that setting still feels.  I almost miss being in a place where what you say doesn't matter so much, as a look, a smile or a simple gesture. 

I accepted my mother's Alzheimer's disease, and applied myself to learning new ways to express love, as the old intellectual and verbal avenues shut down.

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